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[24 Apr 2008|01:13pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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I need to have a good weekend.
Thanks.
<3
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| Fucking Disgusting |
[16 Apr 2008|12:52pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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AmyWinehouse |
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So, I just came back from a walk. I walked towards Merly's old neighborhood to island park then in a big circle back to Melissa's house. I was right by the school where people drive to park at the baseball fields...this car drives over there (I'm thinking to park) and he makes a u-turn and slowly drives past me and says "Hey Babe," and keeps looking at me with this damn smile. It took all the strength in my body not to walk over to his car and punch him in the face. This fucking pathetic, middle-aged, subburban, probably married and bored man looking for some sort of entertainment for the day. It pissed me off so much. All I wanted was to be outside in the nice weather and take a walk in the park.
Fucking shit.
People disgust me.
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[27 Feb 2008|12:35am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
I saw the cutest/most sad commercial today. I got tears in my eyes.
The camera shows this little boy with an oreo and then it shows his dad with an oreo. They're looking at each other. The little boy opens the oreo and then they show the dad open it. The both lick the frosting then put it back together. Then they dip their oreos into milk and take a bite. The camera zooms out and shows that they're talking to each other on a web cam and the son says "good morning, dad" then the dad says "good night". It was too cute. It made me so sad. What an awesome commerical.
I still care about you and I still have love for you.
You were my best friend.
I don't hate you.
This is hard.
I went for a walk like an hour ago. It was nice outside. I took my ipod and it was so relaxing. I was thinking A LOT.
What a weird/sad day.
<3
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| awesome night |
[22 Feb 2008|08:01pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
] |
Last night was too much fun.
I don't think I've ever been happier.
I love the new little spot on the beach.
I loved our little adventures.
I loooove the talk that I had with Victor.
Mikey is too funny.
Andrea can be a bad actress sometimes lol.
I seriously couldn't wipe the damn smile off of my face.
I wish we had video taped it because I wanna see us acting like fools again.
I will forever hate walgreens.
That gas station bathrooma was too much lol...
March is going to be so much fun.
Marley fest
Melissa/Jay coming home for spring break
My burfday
Mine/Andrea's spring break
And thennnn Andrea and I, soon enough, will be rich. Well, waaaay less poor than now. Can't wait.
I LOVE you.
<3
I though I was really good at hiding my emotions and I had put up my wall up pretty well...yeah, he totally saw through it. He knows exactly how I feel and its not so bad.
<3,
BigD
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| Happy Girl |
[11 Feb 2008|12:31pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
] |
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music |
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Angels&Airwaves |
] |
I'm excited for the next month or two...
Marley fest with just about everyone
Maaaaybe one day of langerado
My birthday
Johnny's birthday suprise
Maybe going to g-ville and seeing my cousin/My hottie yo
This upcoming weekend with Andrea/Victor/anyone else is joining
Looking for a new job
I can FINALLY buy new clothes
Exams/papers aren't for a while
Bodies exhibit?
<33333
I'm so lucky. So happy.
I'm in a very loving mood if you can't tell.
My dad is changing, he's amazing.
My aunt and mom hung out yesterday <3
I have a car :)
My sister checked up on me and actually asked me about my life.
I have the most amazing friends with the most amazing familias.
I got to see Christie-Mistie for her birthday.
I just can't complain.
Gotta go study.
<3BigD
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[29 Jan 2008|12:59pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mr.Sinatra |
] |
Andrea and I brought a blanket to school today and took a nap/ate lunch by the lake. <3 It was pretty much awesome.
I feel like I need to get away so much. I'm really looking forward to going to Tampa/Orlando.
In the last few days I have felt so happy with Victor. He really makes me happy, he knows how to make me feel better when everything sucks.
I FINIALLY got my car!!! I'm so happy! <33333
I want an apartment so bad!
Oh, and I love my friends. I love who I've been hanging out with lately.
Now that I have my car, I need to find a new job...
Oh man, I gotta go. The sun is definately burning me and I need to move the blanket.
<3333333333333333
Big D
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| <3 |
[22 Jan 2008|07:08pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
Heath Ledger is dead :(
I am so sad.
I feel like its fake.
Totally watching 10 things I hate about you tonight.
</3
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[22 Jan 2008|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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hungry |
] |
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music |
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samantha brown |
] |
I'm excited about going to Tampa :)
Hopefully it will be next month...as soon as I get my car I can go.
Sooo, Victor moved back here. It sucks for him and I feel really bad.
I HAVE to have a good birthday this year.
I'm so excited for this weekend.
Bodies exhibit, Mitch's birthday, beach/being with friends, plus no work :)
I cannot wait till I find a way to get an apartment.
<3333
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[14 Jan 2008|03:25pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
Why the hell does my dad need to make me feel like shit?
I called him today to see if he could help me look for a car.
I have no car...and I have no car to drive to go look at cars. Everyone works/goes to school during the week and on the weekends, I work. wtf?
It turned into me not working enough hours and I need a better job and I need to sacrifce in order to make things work.
I GO TO SCHOOL. I know this man has no idea how much time I need to put into school because he couldn't give two shits...but seriously? I haven't sacrificed anything???
Fucking asshole has no idea.
And my mom....
She can make the time to come down to pines to pick up her passport from me...but she can't come down to visit me.
And she always complains when I do have a car that we don't see eachother enough.
She's so dumb.
This is so frustrating and stressful.
All I want is a car, somewhere to live...thats mine, and to go to school and work.
I feel stuck.
I feel like shit.
I have to go do homework...even though I have no way to get to class today.
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| I got it from my momma |
[04 Jan 2008|01:00pm] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
] |
I spent all day yesterday with Victor and he leaves today.
He almost made me cry. We were listening to a beatles song in the car and he said that it reminds him of me and its so sweet. Its one of my favorites.
I like him so much...I think it might just work out, at least for a while.
It means a lot to me how sweet he is.
I am so buying an annual pass to Disney or IOA. :)
I'm really surprised at how happy I am. I thought I would be so sad and crying but I'm not. I'm just happy that he's in my life.
Wow. I'm a total dork.
<3
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| dfguhdifughsd |
[30 Dec 2007|10:11am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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I am so bothered.
I kinda feel like a crazy person.
I just want things to be a certain way and they're not.
I guess its just independance.
I don't really know what I'm doing new year's. I want to spend it with him, but not there....Fucking boys.
I'm so frustrated. He wants more of me but he can't give me more of him.
I hope you're reading this...
I cannot believe you. I don't want to talk to you at all if thats the way its going to be. You are so dumb. A simple "Merry Christmas" would have been good enough. You know I love your family and I care about you and you're just a fucking retarded judgemental person who doesn't seem like the person that I fell in love with anymore.
And no, you didn't make me feel like shit, you made me look at you as less of a good person.
<3
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[28 Dec 2007|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
] |
Wow, you're a shit head.
I can't believe the way you're acting.
1st of all, if you want to sit there and judge me...you can go fuck yourself.
I was trying to be nice and you just act like a jackass.
Wow. I meant nothing to you
hypocrite.
<3
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| <3 Happyyyyyyyy <3 |
[26 Dec 2007|08:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cheerful |
] |
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music |
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Kevin talking/Andrea texting |
] |
I have this sudden burst for emotions toward Victor.
I'm very happy.
I feel ok about him moving now. I mean, it sucks, but its good for him and I know I can still see him.
He is so sweet to me :)
I think I'm going to Orlando in January and I want to go to a park really bad. I also really want to go to Tampa to visit Joey...
I must go, I want to see my buddies today.
<3
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| Everything will be ok. |
[11 Dec 2007|01:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
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music |
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Bob Marley |
] |
Victor just called me.
He was sad and he told me to go to UCF and live with him.
This is one of the first times he's really acted like he was going to miss me.
I'm so sad he's leaving.
He makes me want to move up there...more than I wanted to before.
This sucks.
</3
On a better note, Melissa fiiiiiinally comes home this weekend aaaaaaand I get to see Christie. <3
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[06 Dec 2007|11:35am] |
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mood |
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 silly |
] |
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music |
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the shins |
] |
I'm going to miss him.
I'm so excited about this Christmas. I miss my mom and I can't wait to spend a few days with her.
<33333
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[04 Dec 2007|11:22am] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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I had suuuuch a good day with Victor yesterday. We talked about him leaving and he made me feel so much better about it. After we had that talk I felt like...I don't know, more open around him? I really am going to miss him. Orlando isn't thaaaaaat far....
Oh well, we shall see what happens.
<33333
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| baby diiiiicks |
[29 Nov 2007|01:48pm] |
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mood |
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silly |
] |
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music |
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angels & airwaves |
] |
i'm looking forward to this weekend :)
i need a new job
i can't wait to get a new car
i can't wait to go go georgia with my meli-poo
this winter break better be awesome...NO DRAMA
its going to be sad to see victor leave and know that i can't give him a huge hug everyday
time for studyingggg
<333
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| emoooooo |
[25 Nov 2007|10:59pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
so i think this is the craziest/longest entry i have ever written in here...ya'll don't have to read it...except melissa, andrea, and christie have to read the last part. this was just to let everything i was feeling out...
i am so sad right now and i wish i could just snap out of it but i can't. this is something that i've been thinking about for a while and putting it off.
i was thinking today about how i am with victor...like how i can't get close to him.
i feel like i've been let down by so many people that i care about and it scares me to let someone else in. my mom made me feel like she didn't care about me and it took me like 5 years to forgive her. i knew after she left that i had my dad and sister. theeen my dad left my sister and i because he wanted to have a crazy girlfriend. i thought that my sister would always be there and she was my stability. she found michael and moved to orlando. i replaced her as my stability with cesar. then i felt...it wasn't right to be with him. i know that i will always have andrea, melissa, and christie no matter what and i know that they love me and i love them more than anything. victor is what i want, he's amazing. i don't think i've been treated the way he treats me. he makes me feel important, all he wants to do is make me happy. he wants me to have what i want before he gets what he wants. i love how caring and genuine he is. it really sucks that he's leaving to orlando so soon. i know that a long distance relationship prooooobably isn't going to last for like 5 years...ahh i feel like i'm being over dramatic. i knew he was leaving but i tried not to like him this much...
this is driving me crazy. sometimes when i think about it, i think it may not be too bad. maybe we'll do a long distance relationship then it may turn into just a good friendship and maybe we can have something together when he's done with school. oh my god, i'm crazy.
i keep going through these moods where i get really emotional about this whole thing...then i sit and think about it or say it out loud and i'm like...its really not that bad. i'm sure it'll work out the way it should and who knows, maybe i'll be able to get close to him once i realize that him going to orlando isn't the end of the world and we can see each other a lot and it may work. yeaaaah i'm not that optimistic. whatever man, we'll see what happens.
btw i feel like a total crazy person for writing this much and over thinking this waaaay too much. oh, and, this whole sadness isn't just victor victor victor...in case you didn't catch that...
ok, time to get all emo for my 3 girlfriends. i am madly in love with melissa/andrea/christie. i don't know what i'd do without you guys. melissa, you're my soul mate and you and you're family have been sooo amazing to me. andrea, you and your family have made me feel so welcome in your house and my tummy always hurts from laughing with you. christie, you are the happiest person i know and you're silliness always rubs off on me, you always make me smile. i love you guys so much and you 3 have made me so happy.
<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
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[22 Nov 2007|09:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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indescribable |
] |
Time to make new friends :)
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| So, he doesn't believe in romantic love.... |
[15 Nov 2007|02:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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emo |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the shins. |
] |
I want to be totally in love when I'm 85 years old.
I want my own practice a few years after graduating.
I want to show my future children how to be good people and I want to give them and my future husband a great life/family.
I want to learn from my mistakes.
I want to forgive/understand my family.
I want my family to be proud of me.
I want to travel everywhere.
I want to laugh everyday.
I don't want to get divorced.
I don't want to feel like dropping out of school.
I don't want to give up no matter how hard anything gets.
I don't want to feel pessimistic.
I don't want to be scared of the future.
I don't want to be scared to open up to people.
<333
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